A Year 'Justified'

"Who's (not) a good boy!"

Almost Washington State (WHN) January 3, 2024. TWENTY-TWENTY THREE was a banner year for the World Headline News as we celebrated our 30th year of continuous publication.

Arising in 1993 from the ashes of the short lived (1974) World Headline Gazette the newly minted WHN began publishing in Oakland, California. However, Californians, shocked by the scandalous nature of the WHN (see, gasp!, nudity, Issue 8) rapidly forced the inaugural editor (now our 'esteemed' janitor) of the WHN to flee with his family to the third world safe haven of Albania..... a backwater hamlet located in upstate New York.

January 3, 2024   •   Issue 181

September

November

December

McCarthy's America (at least for a few months)

Captured by WHN political correspondent Ned Ander-Thal is the moment the new Speaker of the House Representative Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) scampered to the Speakers podium and viciously grabbed the Speakers gavel from the hands of a startled Pelosi yelling"Nancy Pelosi is no more!" while chortling quietly to himself "My Precious, my precious, my precious...". Selected after 15 rounds of voting (winning 216-212) a jubilant Kevin McCarthy became the 55th Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives. Speaker declared that his speakership would last a thousand years! His Speakership lasted 10 months (January 7, 2023-October 3,2023) - the shortest tenure ever in the history of the United States and the FIRST TIME in U.S. history that the House of Representatives had removed its speaker from office.

Trump'a FIRST (of so to be many) Indictment

Inflation Plagues Retirees & Plagues lead to good huntin'.

Ned Ander-Thal, Emeritus Editor of the WHN, proudly displays the results of a recent successful hunt for vermin in the fields of South Surrey.  According to Ned, one of these beauties is sufficient to feed a hungry family of four; or 12-14 if they are picky eaters.

However, according to Environment Canada, Ned's prey of choice may not be around for long. As a result of over hunting by Canadian Pension Plan (CPP) recipients and the environmental destruction arising from the invasive pests themselves (note barren landscape devoid of food for the Hopper giganticus) this cheap food source will likely become scarce before most WHN readers retire. Thus Ned's second prey of choice, as with many retirees, is the Gambian Pouched Rat that he ate in the Peace Corps. With a sly smile, Ned added, "Course, lot's a folks is shy about eatin' rat, so I just grind-'em up and make 'em into hotrats, er, hotdogs. Wanna come to lunch, got me some fine 'hotdogs' grillin' ..."

While readers of the WHN might reasonably assume that Ned is obscenely wealthy (versus simply obscene) due to the huge subscription base of the WHN, that is sadly not the case. As Ned explained in the most recent WHN bankruptcy filing, "Quality journalism ain't cheap.... and while we don't practice that, we still have lots of fixed costs.  I mean, have you seen the price of a pound of electrons on the open market? Hell, in this economy, well, really any economy, most of our readers don't even bother to pay their subscription fees on time, or even at all. Their ain't no money in journalism. I should have listened to my mother who told me to take up an 'honest', or at least 'profitable', profession like loan sharking, the numbers racket, or extortion. Well, extortion is a bit like journalism.... right Congressman?" Perhaps because of the financial difficulties facing the WHN, and Ned personally, the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) has accused Ned of being involved in the "LARGE SCALE" production of counterfeit US $100 bills. Ned paid his ca$h bail using a flatbed truck full of very large $100 bills.

Trump's

FIRST FEDERAL Indictment

FIRST GUILTY VERDICT

FIRST GEORGIA Indictment

SECOND FEDERAL Indictment

.... and more to come?

Mr. Trump giving direction to Mr. Baldwin during rehearsals at Mar-a-Lago. Per Mr. Trump, "I chose Alec because he has proven that he doesn't fire blanks [EDITOR: see RUST] just like me. But more importantly, he can definitely fool those fools at the Department of Justice into thinking I'm actually residing in the 'Big House'. I will be in a BIG house but it will be WHITE. I've told Alec, that he needs to shiv the Bidens and Hillary when I LOCK THEM UP, LOCK THEM UP, LOCK THEM UP!"  While this is Mr. Trump's first directorial effort, he does have extensive experience in Dictatorial Efforts (2016-2020) and in reality TV (The Apprentice; 2005-2015). 

GQP Field Complains:

"It's CRIMINAL what a Guy/Gal has Gotta Do To Win!"

Roadkill: End of the McCarthy Era

Political Divide Hits New Car Market

I.D.I.O.T Sues

S. Claus Industries

for Illegal

DUMPING OF SEWAGE

A Special MAGA

CHRISTMAS CARD TO AMERICA!

Due to the unsophisticated nature of the local Albanians, and the easy ability to bribe the local judiciary, the WHN was able to 'flourish' (i..e., avoid successful lawsuits) from 1993-2001. Sadly, this era came to an end shortly after the infamous events of September 11, 2001. In an effort to avoid the draft (arising from the leaky construction of our mud brick world headquarters), the WHN fled NORTH to the warmer climates of the great Canada Southwest in 2002. Canadians being so nice, eh!, have found it difficult to insist (ask yes, insist no) that the WHN vacate the country.

Survival of the MAGA-Vicious

Mrs. Ander-Thal's Famous

ROAST BEAST Christmas Dinner

Captured by the WHN at the Presidential Booking Suite at New York City's Hall of Justice, an angry Donald Trump 'truthed'   "They've 'INDICATED' me!" to the world on Truth Social. Mr. Trump learned of his indictment via the morning print edition of the World Headline News which is provided free to the 'guests' of the New York justice system. He had been enticed to the courthouse with a coupon offering a Original Recipe KFC Bucket Dinner pack redeemable with a booking.

Inflation Haunts Retirees

Hidden camera photo of WHN counterfeiters at work duplicating BIG DENOMINATION BILLS under the close supervision of "BIG NED".

ANOTHER CON MAN.....

"Hell has frozen over.... and it's full of Swanson's Frozen TV Dinners!" a visibly confused (i.e., his normal expression) Tucker Carlson lamented over a cold Bud Lite, er, anti-Woke beer, as he painfully relived the moment (captured by WHN photographer Ned Ander-Thal) he was kicked to the curb by Rupert Murdoch. "For an old guy, he has a good lift to his kick. It hurt a lot more, especially in the wallet, than when I was booted from MSNBC or CNN" cried Tucker, continuing: "I gave FOX the best of myself. Mind you, that's like saying Hitler was a great painter, but I was the TOP rated host in cable TV! I was FOX...."  Mr. Murdoch when asked by the WHN for a statement replied, "Crikey, I have to give credit to all my years playing football, what you Yanks call soccer. I really got my boot into that dumbass's arse."

August

Using photographic evidence obtained from the WHN, Mr. tRump lays out his defense: "Melania packed 'Top Secret' documents instead of my 100% tRump International cotton towels! That's how the files ended up in my bathroom. You know, she's not too bright but she tries to 'Be Best'."

In preparation for his pending Federal (Florida and Washington D.C.) and State (New York and Georgia) trials, Mr. tRump has been trying on designer attire suitable for his non-White House federal housing. Per Mr. tRump, "Hey, I kinda thought the White House was a dump, but I've heard good things about the gym facilities and golf course at the federal facility that I'll be elected to by (12) American citizens."

Baldwin Wins Trump's Praises for New Role

Ned Ander-Thal Successfully Avoids Prison for Another Year! Yay!?

Shock and Dismay Expressed by Subscribers and Innocent Victims of the World Headline News at verdict. Despite the aggressive questioning of Mr. Ander-Thal by Congressmen Jordan and Gaetz, the House trial failed to yield the desired incarceration of WHN Editor Ned Ander-Thal.  Mr. Jordan states that "Under the next Trump Presidency, "Mr. Ander-Thal will not be so lucky! Firing squads are coming back!".  

In a planned 'accident', Kevin McCarthy was 'retired' as Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives by his close GQP colleagues. Led by 'backseat' driver Matt Gaetz, and cheered on by Nancy Mace, a sad, yet visibly jubilant, Jim Jordan began chanting, "My precious, you WILL be mine!" while staring at the Speakers gavel still held in the cold dead hand of now former Speaker McCarthy. Mr. Gaetz stated that "McCarthy doesn't have a ghost of a chance at resurrection. He is no Donald Trump who has proven he can rise from the political dead. Now back to my dreams of 'educating' 17 year old interns."

The MAGA Short Bus?

GQP Presidential candidates vie to win the nomination race at the Iowa fairgrounds. Like horse racing, Presidential primaries are often a 'blood sport' with deaths commonly occurring during the race. The favored 'Trumpass' is the overwhelming favorite and, due to his voracious appetite for red meat, is expected to devour the field well in advance of the 2024 Republican convention. As captured in this recent photo, former Vice President Pence has already been hobbled by the 'Trumpass'.

The 'Biden-Bubblemobile': is both ecologically and economically sustainable achieving an average equivalent of 1,000 miles per gallon. Operates via extraction of  toxic flammable gases from the atmosphere which are converted to water and oxygen by its fuel cell technology to help restore the planet's atmosphere. An environmental containment bubble protects the occupant from toxic gases, corrosive rain and, in light of events in Europe and the Middle East, even radioactive fallout.

Noted South Surrey race car driver Ned Ander-Thal was asked by the WHN for his thoughts on the 'Biden-Bubblemobile' stated: "Well, it does allow you to live in a bubble and keep the real world at bay - which many say is the desire of it's core audience. Unfortunately, I worry that the car buying public is not yet ready for it. It would have been better if Biden had released a SUV version that could fit 12 people... "

The Trump MAGA MEAN MACHINE: Affectionately named the PREDATOR, it operates on oil, coal and french fry derived high octane gasolines. Under optimum conditions (i.e., not moving), it can achieve the equivalent of a lofty 2.7 miles per gallon. By design, it spews large clouds of toxic emissions to further 'own the libs' and, importantly, to provide the necessary smoke screen when fleeing the F.B.I. after your most recent insurrection. Equipped with a flag pole to proudly display your political alliance it also comes with a 50 caliber machine gun to forcibly exert your Second Amendment rights in order to enforce your political agenda. An all terrain vehicle that can chase down political and cultural opponents - especially those in the slow moving Biden-mobile.

Noted South Surrey race car driver Ned Ander-Thal was asked by the WHN for his thoughts on the PREDATOR stated: "My god, that is a killer-mobile! Perfectly insane - hence suitable for it's target audience. I've heard that Putin has ordered 100,000 'Predators' to send to his Russian tourists currently vacationing in Ukraine."

NORTH-ish POLE OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE

Almost Washington State (WHN)  Despite inhumanities 'best'-ish efforts, civilization somehow still exists as this holiday season races towards it climax [EDITOR: we believe that the aforementioned 'climax' is likely BOXING DAY!]. The WHN staff, for the most part, wishes our subscribers, as well as any innocent victims exposed to our pages, a Happy Holiday Season and a Joyeux New Years. While Santa works, and parties, hard, it seems that not everyone appreciates his efforts.  According to some (see FOX News), there are those working to (GASP!) BAN Christmas....

or was that Democracy?

... or both?

It's A

Holly Jolly Season

"... and prime rib!"

Wow, not even the geniuses at InfoWars, The War Room, or Fox News could have managed to uncover the deeply intertwined nature of these surprisingly linked 2022 events covered by the WHN... much less have the crack(ed) photographers on site to capture them for posterity.

....though perhaps "Q" could have done so....    

.... is Ned "Q"?   gasp!

Click on the Issue Number to go to revisit the issue!

Well, There Is Still HOPE For !2024!

It should be a BREEZE compared to 2023...

What! It's a PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION YEAR IN THE USA!?! Oh, God....

NEXT ISSUE: Ned's Predictions for 2024